Yet as Bright and Magnificent, or Greater Still

12 Dec

“William was right after all; the comet Della C 1981 finally did return, a half century late(er), but as bright and magnificent as he had predicted.”  -Narrator, The Age of Adaline

Life’s dreams are often snuffed out after many years of failing to see the fruit of their predictions.  Work and watch as we may, our dreams often fail to produce in the timeframe we expected.  And it is at this point when many a weary soul lets go of their dreams.  Still some tenacious hearts press on, but many fail to see the full realization of the ideas and hopes and visions that once fueled their young fire.

Don’t. give. Up.

Let go of perfection.

Let go of the time frame.

Even if it takes 15 years or 50 years or 100 hundred more.  No one ever gained a thing by losing heart.  Though much is gained in letting go, perhaps.

I keep dreaming, hoping, praying, working, trusting.

“The joy of the Lord is [my] strength.” –Nehemiah 8:10

I pray that perhaps I will still have light in my eyes and quickness of step to walk into the Promised Land, and I will give my days to walk out the fullness of every promise and every freedom that God has given me to see it for myself and for my family.

The Lord has not left me, and He is not finished with me.

While it be yet late to others, it is always right on time to God.


4 Dec

What really drives me is the knowledge that God will use me.  Even when I am broken and even though I am imperfect, if I will allow Him, He will use me to cause change.  It can happen in just a smile at the grocery store cashier or just being there when someone’s world fell apart.  There are these moments, when just being present and breathing, we are given opportunities to step into someone else’s world and give them a hand up, heal a wound, or just listen – and sometimes the small gestures make the biggest difference.  It is the small gestures that have saved my life – mostly by people who don’t even remember doing that – and it is small gestures that have allowed me to do something meaningful for someone else.

So even on the days when life feels monotonous and my existence feels…well, small, I remember that I need only just keep trekking – because I never know when in my daily life, I may be given an opportunity to affect powerful change just be being me.

22 Sep

Finding yourself is not the greatest goal.  It’s not the be all, end all.

Finding yourself, discovering your value and who you are – is a journey to the heart of our Creator.  It is self-discovery, some, yes, but more allowing Him to purify you with fire, and to make you into exactly what He envisioned when He created you.

Finding yourself is about your relationship with Him, and then about being His vessel to reach the world.

It Really Works

11 Jul

Many times in my life I have struggled with things that the medical profession would label anxiety or depression.  Recently – I’ve just felt like I was hit by a freight train.  I knew it was the enemy just trying to take me out.  I knew I was under attack, but I just felt…weary.  Weary of trying.

And today I had this realization – this “aha” moment, if you will – that a fruit of the spirit is joy.  Having more joy is simply a matter of having more of His spirit.  And so, I asked for more.  I asked Him to fill me.  And I’m not jumping of the rooftops like I just took some kind of stimulant – but that weight is lifted.  I feel peace.  I can smile without having to try so hard.  God’s Word really works.  And his burden is easy – His unforced rhythms of grace.

And so, I keep standing

5 Jun

Sometimes I just want to scream, “I’m human too!”

God is showing me that the words that were spoken came from a broken vessel.  They were hurting.

Names.  Accusations.

They are not me.  Only God gets to call me names – and He has called me His.  He calls me redeemed.

I am not accused.  I am the righteousness of God.  I am covered by the blood of Christ.

It doesn’t mean I haven’t made mistakes.

But God is strengthening this frame.  He is teaching me that while I am strong enough to fight back, while I am “entitled” to defend myself, that there is greater strength in choosing to let it go.

I am not a doormat.  I am no one’s vomiting station.

I can take up my life at any time.  But I lay it down.

But I will answer to no other name than who He says I am.

And I will choose to see past my hurt into the hurt of others.

But sometimes I just want to shout, “I am just a girl!”  I’m just a girl, in over my head, trying my best to do all that God has called me to do.  I’m trying to love my husband and raise up my children, educate my children, and pursue the dreams God has given me and minister to those He’s shown me…

I’m trying…

But some days…some days I just want to sit down and cry too.

And my feelings hurt too.

But then I remember – it’s not about me.

And God has gone before me.

And He fights for me.

And so I surrender my hurt, and release the tears if they may.  And I keep standing.  And I keep letting it go.